SPIIIN!

Making your way through the amusement park, you spot a particularly inviting attraction; something called “CCC”

It looks like a giant centrifuge. One large, central pillar, with a rotating disk on top from which several sets of swings are suspended. Or rather, there should be a set of swings, but instead there is just one. In front of the attraction, there is a podium with a microphone. A large, blue chimpanzee is standing atop it, waving people over.

Curious, you make your way over to the curious attraction, and just as you arrive, the monkey begins to give his speech.

“Come one, come all, to Chimp’s Crazy Centrifuge! Are you looking for danger, excitement and a crazy adrenaline rush? Are you a thrillseeker who’s bored by all the other lame attractions? Then look no further, you have found the answer to your wildest dreams!

However, to the faint of heart, I say go no further, this is not for you! Now, is there any daring soul who will challenge the one ride to end all rides?!?”

The gathered crowd stares up at the monkey, and people begin to whisper among themselves. Nobody seems to want to step up, however, and after a little while, the monkey begins to scan the crowd, seemingly looking for something… Or someone. Then his eyes fall on you.

“You there!”

With that, a set of large flood lights plunges you into a circle of light. When your eyes adjust and you can finally see something again, you notice a complete lack of anyone else in the immediate area around you. It’s like you’re a lonely little island in a sea of faces, all focused entirely on you.

“Yes, you! You look like a true daredevil! A true thrillseeker! A truly brave soul! Will you challenge the centrifuge, or will you run away like a coward?”

That last word stings. Without the little speech you might have been able to weasel your way out of this, but after that, you really can only do one thing to save face, so you stop up to the entrance of the ride. The monkey seems ecstatic and straps you in as you take a seat on the swing. Once he is done, he hops on over into the booth with the controls and slams his hand down on a big red button.

The entire pillar lights up and begins to rotate, slowly at first, then faster and faster.

“Oh, and if you manage to make it all the way through, you will win a centrihuge prize!” says the monkey as you pass him by.

Wait, make it all the way through? What’s that supposed to mean?

You don’t get too much time to ponder on this, however, before the speed at which you are going demands most of your attention. That thing is fast, and it’s only getting faster! You are pretty sure you’ve already gone beyond any justifiable speed limit, and you can feel your body starting to smush into the seat from the centrifugal force. Your hands clench around the ropes as the world around you turns into a blur and you hold on for dear life, expecting to be launched off at any moment. The people watching can no longer make out your shape as you speed by, looking like a tornado of colors spinning in place.

Were you able to hear anything other than the wind howling as you are spun, you might have caught Chimp’s “Bye bye, sucker”. You can’t quite see the monkey press another button, but you are immediately aware of the effects. The belts and straps holding you in the seat suddenly snap off, and the only thing keeping you on the centrifuge anymore are your hands, wrapped around the swing. When you were holding on your dear life before, you sure are now as you slip out of your seat. You can first feel your arms streeeetch, then your entire body as you are spun ‘round and ‘round and ‘round, but eventually, your fingers slip, and with a sound akin to a gunshot you are suddenly launched off.

You don’t get any time to make your distress known, however, as it takes little more than a second for you to smack into a wall with an ear-shattering ‘SPLAT’ that echoes throughout the entire park. Your body compresses in an instant, smashing you flat as paper on impact and spreading you into a giant pancake across the wall. It takes a moment for you to regain your senses after being so thoroughly squashed, though when you can finally make sense of your surroundings again, you can see the crowd below you, all staring up at you, pointing, laughing…

“Aw, that’s a shame! Another one for the wall of shame, to be exact!”

You can hear Chimp, who is now back on the microphone.

“At least now we have a soft landing pad for anyone else stu- daring enough to try!”

You Spin Me Right Round!